Confucius Says

I have heard many jokes beginning with: Confucius says…. In my limited time here on Earth. 

Today I heard something that Confucius said - rather something that was translated to English from something that Confucius said - that left me shook. 

I won’t go into detail with this as I have detailed it many times and I don’t want to dull the pain too much - but we lost both of our dogs last year unexpectedly. One to cancer early in the year and one to heart failure late in the year - dramatically book-ending our engagement and our wedding trip. 

This experience made me significantly more aware of the fragility of life and has made me appreciate my life much more. So much more - in fact - that I am now rebranding myself to myself as someone that does hard things. More on that later. 

So what the hell does Confucius have to do with my dogs dying, our marriage, and my appreciation for life? 

I heard from a guy that heard from the many other people who have diffused Confucius’ teachings over the last 2500 years since he died that Confucius said, “We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.” 

I tell you what - I’m sure that sounded better in Chinese and I can see why he was so influential because due to the processing of the unexpected loss of our boys, I had unintentionally realized this. 

After many nights of pondering the meaning of life - and by pondering, I mean spiraling into the darkness of death, I clawed my way out of the void, out of the grave and into a new life. A life where I dictate what brings me purpose, what gives my life meaning. A life that no matter what awaits me at the end, I can know that my life had meaning to me. 

But man do I wish that I was as succinct as the long game of telephone that was played from Confucius to me because all those people got it. 

Although it has been a short time, it feels like the past me is an eternity away from the version that I am crafting. I feel like I am in many ways a new release version of myself that brings a higher degree of intentionality to his days because I have realized that we only get one shot at this thing and I want to make mine count. 

Don’t get me wrong - the prior model of me had done pretty well for himself overall. He graduated high school, graduated college, got his bachelor’s, his master’s, and a minor, he had made 6 figures in his 20s, pushed himself to put content out on YouTube - naturally growing an audience of over 300 by reviewing products in less than a year with over 80k views (okay - his conversion rate wasn’t great but he was learning), had found the love of his life, spent 2 years studying Japanese to the point where he can read like a Japanese person - okay, a Japanese 2 year old but I’m hyping this guy up - but he felt like something was missing. 

He had been pursuing a promotion for over 3 years, couldn’t get himself to consistently go to the gym, his diet was exactly what causes people to convert diet from a noun to a verb - risking heart disease and early death from straining himself reaching for the french fry that fell in the abyss between the center console and his seat - who had to convince himself to post videos, increasingly letting off the gas by trying other people’s models that didn’t work for him and posting content that didn’t fit his long term vision, and was constantly beating himself up over not having done enough. 

Okay - new release version may have that last bug still but we’re doing weekly system updates now - shooting for daily as the developer gets his stuff together. 

With this reframed outlook on life - the new version has direction, with flexibility. 

What does that mean? 

I have a strong North Star. 

“How strong,” you ask. 

Strong enough that I was able to smell the sweet sweet carrot cake from Nothing Bundt Cakes and resist the temptation of my moist temptress with her creamy, delectable icing because I am cutting (bodybuilding term for losing weight and getting absolutely shredded, bro) and I want to see what I can accomplish. To see if I can do the hard thing. 

My North Star is simple. I am going to relentlessly pursue my goals to achieve my potential. I am going to take intentional, hard steps towards my goals. If I realize that the goal doesn’t serve my purpose anymore, I am allowed to drop it in favor of something that will. 

I refuse to end up on my death bed wondering what could have been and if you live your life never getting to your second life - this is exactly where you will end up. 

My question to you is - which life are you on? If you are on your second, great. What are you going to do with it? 

If you are on your first, that’s okay. What is it going to take you to step through the Veil and come through to the second life? I want you to be intentional with this reflection. What is the path this first life is leading you down? How does your life end if you continue down this path? 

To be clear - if I was bulking, I would have had a bite of that cake. I don’t hate myself, I just want to see what I can accomplish and with my North Star, I am willing to take the short term hits to set myself up to achieve what I want out of life. 

My message here is not that you shouldn’t eat cake or  be the harbinger of death for your dogs, literally ringing the doorbell of death from the comfort room of death with the semi cozy couch in front of the fire place with blankets laid out all nice so they can drag your best friends’ lifeless bodies from the room like I had to. 

Far from it—I hope you avoid that for as long as humanly possible. And ummm, sorry for the vivid mental image. But the truth is, sometimes it takes confronting life's harshest realities to break through to something meaningful. And that's exactly what happened to me. 

My hope is that through my brutal honesty, you can jump to this second life without enduring the pain that I had to. That you can power down the outdated version of yourself one last time and release the new version like I have. Because if you only get one life, why not live it as the best version of yourself?