The Claws of Comfort

I tell my wife all the time that it’s good for us to have meals that we don’t enjoy because then it allows us to truly appreciate the meals that we love. By all the time I mean that when I say it, she rolls her eyes and I get a good laugh. But it’s true. Without experiencing the lows of life, we never get to truly appreciate the highs. 

This is a concept that carries from something as simple as the foods that we eat to much broader contexts like the feeling of finally accomplishing a goal after failing at it over and over again. You appreciate it much more when you have experienced the negative side or some hardship. 

The desire for more is something that plagues the human condition. When I hit $100,000 in income - which I had been desperately chasing for years because that’s what I needed to live the lifestyle I wanted - I quickly adapted and it felt no different than when I was making $50,000 a year. 

I grew accustomed to it and now I want more. It doesn’t fulfill my needs - the lifestyle that I truly want to live. 

But what happens when you are completely content with life? You follow the path you are prescribed, never questioning why. You have the same routine, same lifestyle, same job, same house, same car, in the same city that you grew up in. You’ve maybe traveled to neighboring cities but have never been out of state - let alone the country. All you know is the life that you have lived to this point. The life that those closest to you and society expects of you. 

It’s akin to riding the kiddie coasters at amusement parks. Sure, there are ups and downs but they aren’t severe enough to get the adrenaline rush that comes from riding the rides that impose height restrictions for safety. 

When you are comfortable - when you are content - you are enabling yourself to never maximize your potential. You don’t get to make the contributions to the world that you could. You don’t ever get to meet the fullest version of yourself. Let alone, share that with others. You live a life of mundanity. You do the same thing day in and day out until you die. All because you allowed yourself to fall in the dangerous, oh so welcoming, claws of comfort. 

Who wants that?

Reality shows us that the majority of people fall into this trap. This is evidenced by societal expectations imposed on us that most of us abide by. Go to high school. Graduate and move on to college. If you don’t graduate, you are a failure and can’t do anything. If you do graduate, get a good job at a major, stable corporation following the intentions of a younger version of you that may or may not be in line with the person that you have become. Carrying a burden of debt to loom over you for years - limiting the degree of risk that you are able to accept because you can’t get rid of it. If you haven’t married your high school or college sweetheart, you find someone that you work with or through your family and friends. Settle down. Have kids. Commute to the office. Answer the trivial Monday question with, “it was good but too short.” Commute home. Be exhausted from the long day. Doom Scroll. Repeat x5. Barely recover. Repeat for the next 45 years. Retire. Not do anything you wanted to in retirement because your body is starting to wither away. Die. 

What a life. Fulfilling just thinking about it. 

What would you do if you weren’t saddled with debt? What would you do if instead of snoozing your alarm for the 3rd time - exhausted and dreading getting ready - you rolled out of bed whenever you wanted, looking forward to the day? What would you choose to do if you didn’t have to commute an hour each way to and from work with the eight hour workday in between? Would you live the lifestyle that everybody around you lives? The lifestyle you currently lead?

The claws of comfort just became a lot less comfortable, huh?

Now that you feel the weight of reality crushing down on you, I am here to reassure you that this doesn’t have to be the life that YOU lead. You don’t have to live in a world of mediocrity with everybody else. 

You can achieve what you want to. Who knows, maybe along the journey your goals will change and evolve as you gain exposure to all that life has to offer. 

Here’s how: 

Mental Framework

You start by recognizing that your life is going to be unique to you. Sure, we all have some overlapping experiences - some people more than others - but no overlapping experience translates to a fully identical life. This is an important framework because as you explore and regain your zest for life, you are going to be influenced, inspired, by what the people you admire have accomplished. Don’t ever expect to be them. 

You additionally need to reframe the way that you look at life. Life is not a game to be won or lost, no matter how much it feels like it at times. Life is an ongoing experiment. 

Through school you tried various courses. Some you enjoyed and found yourself diving deeper into and resonating with - learning those topics felt like play. It felt like finding a piece of who you are. Some, you hated and wanted to avoid at all costs. This is the same experience once you get into adult life with jobs. That’s okay. You can use your dislikes as fuel to propel you in the direction of fulfillment.

It is critical that you set your sights on specific goals. Some of these goals you will quickly recognize aren’t right for you. That’s GREAT. Don’t let anybody force you to stay the course when this happens. Take some time and reflect. Why is this not working for you? What specifically do you not enjoy about this? Write it down. Get specific. Use this to direct you towards your next experiment. Repeat if you don’t enjoy the next one. Dive deeper if you do.  Failing is necessary to become the person that you want to be. The more you allow yourself to fail and pivot and try again, the more you get out of life. The more fulfillment you get out of finding what you do like. The more you dodge the claws of comfort. 

Process

Start by identifying where you are now. Factually state what you have done in life up to this point and the direction that you are currently heading. You aren’t reading this or doing these exercises because you are content with where you are at so write down all that you don’t like about where you are at. Again, be specific. You also need to identify the direction that this path is taking you.

If you keep doing what you are doing now and what you have been doing to this point - what will life look like for you? When you are on your deathbed, what regrets will you have?

To this point, we have purely focused on the negatives. Why? Because it is easy to do. When you don’t know what you want to do in life, it is a lot easier to focus on what you don’t like about your current life than thinking about what could come next. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of being paralyzed in this state.

This is a business process that billionaire Andrew Wilkinson utilized to help go from a college dropout barista, to building a billion dollar empire. It also helped him identify the lack of fulfillment he was getting out of the billionaire lifestyle - encouraging him to prioritize more meaningful pursuits - leading to his participation in the giving pledge. 

You’re right. You aren’t a billionaire but if this process can work for somebody with a unique rags to riches tail like this, it can positively influence the direction that you take your life in. 

Now, write down what you have enjoyed on your life’s journey. What are you grateful for in your current situation? What interests have you had that you have explored along the way to this point? What have you always wanted to do but never made a priority because you didn’t know how or because you were scared to push yourself to pursue it? What moments have brought you the most fulfillment?

You should now have an idea of what you have enjoyed in life to this point and what you want to avoid going forward.

This is where things get a bit opaque. I can’t tell you exactly what next step will be right for you. So how do you identify your next step? 

Set a goal. Define something that you want to accomplish and then go after it. 

But, what skills do I need to hit this goal? How do I go about doing this? I don’t know what to do to get started. 

Just set the goal. Society has taught you that in order for your ideas to be valued, you need to pursue skills or some set of education (think four year degree - or more) FIRST to be able to achieve your goals. While this is true to some extent (you do need to develop skills) - you don’t need those skills prior to setting your goals or initiating your first Google search on how to achieve the goals that you set. 

As an example, I have an idea for an application that will benefit a lot of people. I’m not a developer, nor do I have deep pockets to shell out to a team of developers. What did I do? 

I made myself uncomfortable and started searching. I stumbled across freecodecamp.org and started learning html. During this process, I found out about cursor.com. With Cursor, I was able to progress faster despite not knowing what the hell I was doing. I made mistakes over and over and over again. I felt like I was fighting a boss in Elden Ring getting shit on over and over and over again but I could see the tangible progress and started having fun. I knew I had no idea what I was doing but how would I build this out? How would I even know if this was functional? What the hell is localhost:3000? Maybe I should start with something simpler… I keep having to trash my project. 

I then found Corbin Brown’s YouTube. This guy. Step by step instructions on how to create a front end and back end (after learning what the hell that meant - of course)? Say less. Let’s pivot - create a blogging website. Stumble across Alex Hormozi, MJ Demarco, and Dan Koe along the way. Hmmmm - how can I distribute my message? If I create this website without distribution, it’ll take me forever to grow. Ahhhh personal branding - continuing to do what I am already doing but talking about it on the internet and engaging with people? Brilliant. 

Let’s finish creating a blogging website, writing posts along the way and rebuilding my X account from the ground up - adding as much value to people as I possibly can along the way. Oh - did I mention this all started because I started a YouTube reviewing tech products and hated feeling like I could only post about one interest that I had? You are now reading this as a result of a couple months of self-exploration and experimentation followed by iteration. 

This exemplifies why having a goal - and a degree of fluidity as to how you achieve that - is a critical starting point for you. It will enable you to take the first step out of the claws of your comfort zone. To progress. To enjoy the pursuit of something. To bring meaning back into your life and surface for breath for the first time from the sea of mundanity. 

So go. Review your notes. Set a goal. Start experimenting. Reflect. Iterate. Pivot as necessary. 

I can’t wait to see what you accomplish. You’ve got this.