The Zero Sum Game

“There are winners, there are losers and there are people who have not yet learned how to win.” - Les Brown

I’m not a huge fan of quotes but find this one quite profound. The more profound part is that I only knew the words leading towards my kindly italicized and.

I doubt I am alone in that sentiment. This is a statement that rings true for many of us. There are those that are successful and those that aren’t. There are those that win wars and those that lose. There are those that win negotiations and those that lose. Those that win elections and those that lose. 

This is ingrained in us from a very young age and rings even more true when you think of the outrage that has coincided with the advent of participation trophies however many years ago. Shit, even as a child, I was annoyed with the concept of participation ribbons. 

I didn’t need a physical reminder of my failure. I already had to live with not being good enough. Only those that won deserved ribbons. 

This is not about to be a pro participation trophy diatribe - I promise. 

I highlight the deeply ingrained notion of winners and losers because it is one of the most telling examples of how deeply entrenched in our society the idea of zero sum games is. Only one side can win while the other loses. 

It is a small nod to the deeply rooted nature of the human desire to be right. I’m not here to look for scientific studies to prove this notion. It’s quite obvious. 

When we hear something that goes against our value system, it is wrong and we immediately think of ways that we can prove it wrong. We think, how stupid is this person for thinking that? What an idiot. Or simply flick our thumb across the screen to not be confronted with such a vile way of thinking. 

Looking even deeper, if you Google search two opposing arguments you can almost always find both sides to the argument. Somehow both with scientific findings urging you to believe how incredibly wrong the other party is. 

This has become increasingly interesting to me the older that I get as I think of how many of my views have changed. How some of my strongest views have shifted as I have gained more life experience and empathy towards others. 

When I was younger, I thought that it was an absolute outrage that anybody would expect other people to pay for their healthcare. How insanely selfish could you be? Why should I have to pay more to help you afford your situation? 

As I have seen people prioritize their financial wellbeing over seeing the doctor and taking care of the one thing that truly matters, their physical and mental health, I have found this view shifting increasingly in the other direction. 

How could we let people suffer when we have the means to protect them? How could we collectively be unwilling to pool a small portion of our money for the greater good of the people within our country? How could we allow one small injury to bankrupt a family? How could we allow insurance providers to determine what is and what isn’t medically necessary when they aren’t actually medical professionals and are seeking to protect their best interests - their profits? How selfish of us.

If my previous two paragraphs didn’t emotionally charge you too much - you might have caught on to where this post is going. 

I referenced shifting my views further and further in the opposite direction. This implies that there is a spectrum to which I agree or disagree with the concept of universal healthcare. 

Every view we have slides on some sort of sliding spectrum. Some may be larger, some smaller. But it is rather rare for something to be completely black and white. For there to always be a winner and always a loser. 

Fundamentally, if someone loses a football game, they are the loser. If they take the findings of that game, refine their offensive and defensive strategy, and win for the rest of their season - does that mean that every component of the game was a loss? Or solely the outcome?

Is business fundamentally bad? While some would argue strongly that business is bad and others would argue strongly that business is good - is this question really that simple? What does bad mean to the respective defending parties? What does the business do? Would businesses exist if they are inherently bad? Do businesses add value to people’s lives? 

Is AI bad? AI is actively replacing some jobs and unlikely to replace others. Does this make AI bad for replacing these jobs? Is it bad if it reduces the work that those who aren’t replaced need to do? Again, what is the definition of bad?

I’d be curious if you can identify one universal topic that everybody agrees upon. If you do, please let me know. While some issues seem to be obvious and like there should be a black and white answer - there seems to always be someone that disagrees. 

The deeper you get into a topic, the more you can identify how deeply someone agrees or disagrees with their viewpoint. The moment that you start introducing scenarios or thought provoking ideas, the more people start to think about their hardlined stance. 

Why? Because life isn’t black and white. It’s a spectrum. 

So why do I bring this to your attention? 

Many of us concretely tie who we are to our values. We believe these values with every fiber of our being and struggle when we are met with conflicting information or ideas that may slide us in the opposite direction on the spectrum with which we reside. Sometimes, regardless of the logic behind the argument that we are presented with, we are so tied to this value and identity that we will refuse to believe anything that doesn’t align with our pre-existing views. 

At the end of the day, this unwavering commitment to pre-existing views hurts you more than it helps you. It keeps you from growing into the person you could be while retracting like a hermit to its home; closing the curtains to live in silence with their thoughts - rejecting the outside world and all that comes with it. 

If you stay committed to these pre-existing values with a closed mind and closed, unshifting identity - you atrophy. You may grow stronger in your views but you also grow more resentful towards the world. To those that think differently from you. You squander everything that you could be as a person for everything that you are currently. 

For those old enough to remember Blockbuster, you may remember their fall. Committed to the company that they were and unwilling to change, they began to atrophy. Losing more and more business to competitors like Netflix who were committed to evolving with the times. 

While one organization stayed committed to rentals through retail locations and charging astronomical late fees, the other leaned further and further into technology. Not only delivering DVDs via mail, but beginning a streaming platform where users could stream movies without leaving the comfort of their home. 

As one, committed to who it was in its prime, continued to lose increasing market share to the point of declaring bankruptcy, the other continued to rise in dominance - shedding the skin of who they were and evolving. Sacrificing their DVD rental by mail service for their digital streaming platform. Beginning by paying other companies to have their products available for streaming, growing their business to the point of being able to produce their own films. Netflix exclusives. Staving off some of the competition in a growingly competitive space. 

So where is Blockbuster now - with its commitment to its old, outdated values? Down to it’s last store. Begging people to purchase merch so the outdated relic doesn’t go out of business. 

And Netflix? Netflix is currently at the top market share within the US streaming market due to this commitment to shed its old beliefs and commit to new versions of itself. 

Just as successful companies must evolve beyond their original identity to thrive, individuals face the same challenge. Our personal identities, like business models, can either adapt or become obsolete. The less you tie yourself to one specific identity, the more you are able to adapt, change, and grow. While this may help with your profitability as it did Netflix, this will ultimately enable you to live a fulfilling life. 

A life full of purpose and meaning that you assign and can reassign as necessary. 

If you are already the hermit - closing your curtains each time you find something that challenges your identity - it’s time to stop reaching for the drawstring and instead time to crack the window. 

The journey from fixed identity to flexible thinking doesn't require radical change. Start small: engage with differing viewpoints on social media, have curious conversations with friends who see things differently, or simply pause before dismissing ideas that challenge your current beliefs. Each small step creates space for growth.

My favorite person to challenge my views and identity with is my wife. While we share many similar perspectives, we don’t always see the world the same way. It is really interesting for both of us when we stumble upon topics where we can feel ourselves out of alignment and talk through the differences. 

Just last night we were talking about the concept of unconditional love. Being the product of divorce and what I would consider to be logical and a realist, I believe that love has conditions. Syd, on the other hand, views her love for me as unconditional. 

I made the point that if I treated her poorly, she would (understandably) leave me. Her counter to this was that I wouldn’t treat her poorly and therefore, my point was irrelevant. 

We talked about this for a couple of minutes before the conversation faded as we recognized that our views weren’t going to be swayed but it was an interesting practice nonetheless.One that we explored with curiosity. No judgement, just conversation trying to better understand the perspective of one another.  

It enabled us to challenge our beliefs and identities that we tie ourselves to. When you continually do this in various areas of your life, you allow yourself to become more open-minded. More fluid. You can experience other people more fully and, in turn, experience yourself more fully. 

You enable yourself to shed the skin of past versions of you to grow into new versions. 

Remember, life isn't a zero sum game. When we view ourselves as losers, we're often just people who haven't yet learned how to win. And sometimes, learning to win means being willing to let go of who we thought we had to be, and embracing the spectrum that life is.