Would you let others…?

I have heard many psychologists and successful people try and help people reframe their self-talk by asking if they would allow other people to talk to them the way that they talk to themselves. 

Every time I have heard someone respond to this question, the answer is no. 

I disagree with this. 

Most people are soft and will encourage you to be a smaller version of yourself. 

I will preface by stating that I don’t have an abusive inner monologue. I like the person that I am to my core. 

I don’t like all of the actions and decisions that I have made but I use all of those to steer me in the direction of the person that I aspire to be. I aspire to continually get better and I like to challenge myself. 

When I am being “mean” to myself—it's because I recognize that I am not being intentional with the limited amount of time that we all get. Time is finite and I want to look back on my life with only the regrets that I chose to live with and my daily decision making doesn’t always align with that. 

I also have high expectations of myself. Graduating with my bachelor’s and master’s degrees wasn’t a celebration of accomplishment—it just meant I could start job hunting. Graduating was the baseline expectation.

I was a bit excited when I broke 6 figures, but I also expected it. I was a bit excited when I got the job I had been working towards for years, but I expected it. 

So my inner monologue? It’s mostly me reminding myself that I can do more. That I should do more.

Yes, I’m hard on myself—but only because I know what I’m capable of if I try.

When you know deeply within yourself that you can do more, you can encourage yourself to find ways to do more. 

No, I don’t want someone echoing my exact inner dialogue—but I do want someone who believes in my potential enough to challenge me.

As I do to myself. 

There are times that I am harder on myself than I should be - people aren’t typically forthcoming with feedback. It is rare to find someone that helps push you to realize your potential. It is rare to find someone that wants you to be more successful than they are. 

While I wouldn’t want someone that talks to me in the exact same language that I use for myself, I believe we could achieve more if we encountered people that could also see our potential and push us as hard as we know we could be pushed. 

I’d just want them to respect the boundaries I set along the way.

And maybe the real issue isn’t how I talk to myself...

Maybe, the real issue isn’t how I talk to myself - but how few people around me are willing to talk to me that same way.