Odd Man Out

When you don’t eat while everybody around you is - it makes people uncomfortable. 

I have ALWAYS been known for my ability to eat. 

To put this in perspective; growing up, my family would make two casseroles. One for me, one for the other four people eating the meal. We’d get two french bread loafs, one for me, one for the rest of the family. I even had my own massive tupperware labeled “Dakota Cereal” because I would consume so much. 

My utility for a long time has been, Dakota - protector of dirty tupperware and fridge space. When there were leftovers, I was encouraged to eat more and more. 

And I LOVED it. 

When they do the calculation for 2 year olds to project your height, I was projected to be 6’7”. Surpassing expectations, I made it to the giant stature of 6’9”. It’s not crazy tall but to put this in perspective - I have met 8 people taller than me in my adult life. 

To add even more perspective, when this happens - I get really nervous. It makes me blush, sweat, and just feel uneasy. Instead of getting asked my height - I want to ask theirs and to say the same thing that sometimes prompts an internal eye roll. “Man… I thought I was tall but…” 

Growing up, this eating helped fuel my growth. I’m pretty sure I was burning 4k calories at rest because I could eat everything and still be skinny. 

Even into adulthood, I had this magical power. I was a bottomless pit with no downside.

I’ve always taken great pride in this ability. It was one of my super powers. 

So when I wasn’t eating free catered food today - people noticed. 

You could feel the discomfort that food was provided and I wasn’t getting and it was a hot point of conversation. 

The funny thing is, I have been doing this for weeks at work. 

I am cutting weight right now before I move into a bulk. I have never had to cut weight in my life and if I would have told this to my 18 year old self, I think he would have passed out. Intentionally cutting weight? Why? 

When my metabolism slow and I was eating out practically all the time - I gained a lot of fat around my midsection. Or at least - more than I had ever seen on myself. Combine that with a lack of going to the gym causing my muscles to atrophy - I felt like shit. 

I got tired of this feeling and decided to do something about it. Got back into the gym with an emphasis on getting ripped and improving how I look and feel. Combine that with a thirst to improve my discipline and you get the last few weeks and today. 

If I was in a bulking phase, I wouldn’t so readily turn away food. But I’m not. I don’t like the uncertainty of ball-parking where I am at with my protein intake and overall caloric intake so it is easier to simply not eat than stress about if I am on track. 

I want nothing more than to see what I look like at the end of this cut before I get to start upping the calories with a focus on steadily building muscle. 

That means that each week I work from the office - I get to brave the discomfort of making everybody uncomfortable by not eating with them. 

I will happily sit and chat but I mostly refuse the food. 

My view is that I would rather make myself uncomfortable than prolong hitting my goals. 

At first, saying this bothers me but when you have to repeat this week after week - you start saying it with a bit more conviction.

I want to get where I’m going. 

I am my biggest adversary and my brain is the only enemy I truly care about fighting. 

When the people around you aren’t exactly where you want to be or haven’t done what you are trying to do, they simply won’t understand. They may try to get you to eat when you simply don’t want to. But at the end of the day - you are the only one that lives with the consequences of your actions. 

Don’t ever let people pressure you to fit their expectations. 

When you are on a mission, whether it’s my mission of building discipline through bodybuilding or missions outside of the gym or your lifestyle - you are going to run into roadblocks, challenges. You are going to have people offer you food, tempting you to deviate from the mission. 

They won’t always understand your mindset. What you are trying to accomplish. That doesn’t matter. As long as YOU know what you are going after and why, you can conquer any challenge. 

Moments like today are fleeting. Over in an hour. Some may take days, weeks, months, or even years, but your commitment to seeing the mission through is what matters.