The Scary Thing

One of the most challenging and fulfilling parts of my job is saying the scary thing no one else wants to say. 

Part of my job involves hiring — which also means I give a lot of feedback to people. 

Nothing is worse than applying to a position and getting a declination with no indication of why you weren’t even considered for an interview.

That has happened to me and I have made it my goal not to do that to others. 

While I am not always the person delivering this feedback, it is important to me that this happens. 

A lot of people are blind to their weaknesses or apparent weaknesses and when nobody calls it out, they meander forward. They may try to get better, they may not, but without addressing your concerns and giving them a chance to act on that feedback, they may never figure out what is getting in their way when you could have had the decency to tell them. 

I’m not a glutton for punishment. Giving this feedback is uncomfortable and sometimes it is hard to watch people receive it. But sometimes the hardest things to say are the messages that most need to be delivered and I refuse to be the person that shies away from those conversations. 

As a manager, I find that many people shy away from saying the scary thing. The honest thing. They are scared to provide the feedback to others and ultimately do a disservice to the associate, and to themselves. 

Often, the scary thing that you are avoiding is exactly what you need to address. 

Whether it is a conversation, a feeling, an interaction, or something else, avoiding the scary thing only makes it scarier with time. 

You get creative —  doing mental gymnastics just to delay the inevitable confrontation. 

Through my personal relationships and through my work, I have found that leaning into the scary thing is often a lot easier than avoiding it. 

You confront it and all of the sudden, while you are in the thick of it, there is a release of tension when you suddenly realize that you were making the scary thing out to be a scarier thing than it was. 

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes your worst fears will play out, but usually it will go better than expected and you will be better for it. 

You will have done something hard, building confidence through it, and you will have done something that needed to be done - ridding yourself of the anxiety that coincides with avoidance.